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Sunday, March 13, 2011

What Difference Effort Makes

I'm just about to get near to the point where the circle will close, and I will be a hungover wreck, dressed far too good for a Friday morning, laying eyes on Liliy for the first time and feeling immediately a deep and abiding affection.soon after.  Before that could happen, before someone reached into m despair and pulled me along to my feet, I would have a crucible of fatigue, hunger, no cigarettes and the most demoralising place I'd ever make my bed.

It's about to get heavy, and if you've been following, you know that it's been fairly upbeat, anecdotal, at times, I'd like to think witty, mildly shocking and fun.

Starting to walk that path with my last post The Hague Takes a Sunrise Well, and I'm going to have to get some real soul searching in to uncover a very rough time in my life, much of which I don't relish having to impart, but I've started this, and I think I need to see it all the way through, so I'm glad you're here along with me.

Instead of running right into it, I'm going to take a bit of a style break and put down some poetry, for you guys to look at while I chase the scarecrows of insistent memory.
Memories of Ashes
I have a coffee can
on the windowsill
in the hallway at the top of the stairs
It's where I keep my cigarette butts
I had a lid for it,
So as not to soak the
Faded yellow paint
With the reek of dead smoke
but it rolled out the open window
and has since been lost in the snow

What Makes Me Tick
I would love to be
The man she knew I could be
If I ever thought I'd find
The clarity of mind
To discover-
 What makes me tick
With a Rorschach test,
My mind is a mess
I keep seeing butterflies
Fall to their death.
I think you'll find
If your only to kind
Inside my mind
What makes me tick

Lift High
Well, don't ask me how I feel right now
I'm feeling fine
Background lights set me aglow
If it could happen all the time
Seems I can't keep my feet from under me
Head hands towards the door
Supplement my mind for feeling free
Until fate shows me the door
Lift High, Lift High, Lift High
My consciousness
Wondering Why

Why isn't electricity free?

Considering Charles Darwin married his first cousin, d'ya think there were somethings he didn't understand about his theory?

Okay, so What Else You Got?

Possibly the world's worst pick up line, the joke about the two leprechauns and the Mother Superior that got a huge laugh from all the Irish lads, even when I was doing the wee funny voices that could certainly have been misconstrued.  One of their number, Neil looked, stoic and bearded like the Messiah himself, and we all took to referring to him by name as such.  It wasn't just that Neil had such a  resemblance to classical images of the Saviour.  That, and he was a carpenter.  I shit you not.  The Columbian guy who's name I don't recall passing a joint to Neil and saying "Jesús humo."  Five minutes before, Neil had just confided me that he was a thief.  I didn't think much about that until later, when I reached into my pack of smokes to find my third and final little pink mystery had gone.

The morning staff at the Globe had to ensure that people were either staying or going so they could have an accurate account of available beds.  If you hadn't paid in advance or left notice of your leaving, they had to find you to get money or have you check out.  One obviously harangued Scots women of late middle years was finishing up her list for our room. I wasn't at my bed, in the little alcove, but with a whole bunch of people at the far end of the front room.  Not finding me, she called out in an impatient tone "Is Samuel in this room?"  My blood froze, as she sounded exactly like my mother and I couldn't for the life of me imagine how she'd managed to track me down.  She later apologised for her curtness, and I let her in on my private joke, leaving the hotel on a positive note with at least someone.  I could only hope to make it back to claim my luggage, having just stranded myself in the Hague.  The more I thought about it, the more I realised I had not divided my kit very well at all.  Just a couple of pairs of trousers, next to skin, a few sets, bomber jacket, pullover and a couple of shirts.  I had a handful of cigarettes, and about ten guilders in cash.  There was a distinct feeling that I was fucked.

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